


i see who you are (you are my enemy)

by runimpossiblegirl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blow Jobs, Colors as emotion, Cunnilingus, Enemies and Lovers, Enemies sex, Everybody Lives, F/M, Han says fuck the twins I'm saving my son, It's a bit chaotic, Non-Linear Narrative, Penis In Vagina Sex, Soft sex, not really but you have to use your imagination on what happens next, reluctantly saving your opponent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:00:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25620022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runimpossiblegirl/pseuds/runimpossiblegirl
Summary: “You fucking asshole!” She shoves him inside the small room so her team can continue the mission.“Me? I’m just doing my job, sweetheart.”The red in Rey’s eyes gets more intense with the mock term of endearment.“I am not your sweetheart, Kylo Ren,” she spits.“I’ll remember that the next time you are choking on my cock, then. And you seem to confuse me with your Resistance friends.”“I’ll fucking kill you.”Or: Why pick enemies to lovers when you can have enemies that become lovers but stay enemies and very angrily save each other lives sometimes??
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	i see who you are (you are my enemy)

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank [crossingwinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter) for reading this when it was a lot messier, telling me it was good and helping me get unstuck. You are amazing and I probably wouldn't be posting without your feedback 💖

Their world explodes in color every time they are close to each other. But that doesn’t mean either of them is willing to betray their side for something as fragile as attraction.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

The moment Starkiller mammoth of a building explodes, the purple tint around the chopper disappears and returns to a grey scale. The strike team is worried that they have escaped. They keep doing it after all—but Rey is sure beyond any shadow of doubt that Kylo Ren is no more. After eight months her world just violently returned to shades of grey.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Your alias on the field will be Kira,” Leia tells her on the very first day, when she gets assigned a room, a pad and an outside suit.

“I don’t think I need that. There’s no one for me to protect with a different identity,” says Rey, looking at the grey floor.

Leia rises her head with a finger under her chin, “You are with the Resistance now,” her eyes are firm, “you have a whole new family that would sacrifice for you and I need you to do the same for them, so you will always use it when you are on a mission. Is that clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Now, I know Dameron promised you food and the lines always start to form earlier on friday.”

Leia is right, but twenty minutes later she’s sitting on a big table with Finn—new alias Trooper—Poe and Jess, trays of food in front of them.

“Seems like Kylo Ren and his knights attacked another small faction last night,” says Poe, gloomy.

“Who’s Kylo Ren?” Rey asks. The name rings a bell but she can’t place it. When you are trying to survive, paying attention to politics is irrelevant.

“The Firsts Order’s worse enforcer. Nobody knows his real name, but the bare mention of his alias is enough to make people afraid,” explains Poe, “his knights are bad too, that unit alone has killed many of our members.”

Jess touches his shoulder in an intimate gesture that makes Rey look away. Even when the conversation changes to nicer topics, Kylo Ren’s name echoes in her head.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

He clearly doesn’t know what to do when they reach the private room. There’s an old looking couch in the middle of it, a bed next to a window, a tiny table with two chairs on a corner and a bathroom. He feels gigantic next to her, awkward and clumsy. Ben shoves one of his hands on the pants pockets and the other on his hair, brushing it away from his face. Eventually he sits and hunches his shoulders as if he trying to make himself smaller.

It’s absurd to think he could succeed at that when he’s built like a mountain. Not even his nose, more on the bigger side, looks disproportionate when she considers the rest. She could look at him forever. Wants to touch his whole body without all the clothes in between them. But there’s some things to ask first.

“What color is this?” 

“Turquoise, I think, it was the color of the water in some places. Before.”

“And what emotions is related it to?” She sits next him, a leg up and brushing against his, the other on the floor, her body twisted and inclined towards Ben.

He smiles. “Curiosity, mischief among other things. I don’t think it has ever been fully recorded.”

“How do you know so much about it?”

“My parents taught me about it. My dad especially because I was always pestering him about it. There was also a book my grandma wrote for my mother, where she describes the color of stuff she saw every day… and how she lost them to grey eventually. She didn’t want to forget.”

“That’s lovely, Ben. I always thought it was a myth, I can’t believe it’s not, that we really are seeing something else! Why? Do you know anything about the science? Is it our DNA?”

“Slowdown, sweetheart. I really don’t know much more. The records of soulmates are almost nonexistent because the few couples who were able to see color didn’t want to become a lab attraction.”

“Oh. Will you tell me about the colors?” Rey really wants to know, it already feels like a secret language between them that she can’t fully understand, and there’s no one else to ask. She always clings to her belongings and he’s absolutely hers. There’s no detail about Ben that she wants to share with others.

“Anything you want,” he tells her softly and the color changes back to red. Rey remembers what he told her earlier and doesn’t think he’s angry. 

Her body choses that moment to remember why she came here today. In a second the small room charges with electricity and Rey, who’s always lived knowing that the world is an ugly place where you have to grab what you want with both hands and never let it go or others will try to take it doesn’t think twice before raising the leg she had on the floor and setting herself astride on his lap.

His hands rise to cup her face. “Hello,” he responds, before placing a kiss in the corner of her mouth. “So happy to meet you.” A kiss on the other side. “I never thought you’d be real.” The tip of her nose.

Her impatience forces her to interrupt him, sinking her hands in his thick locks and bringing his mouth to hers, already open. 

First it seems they’re only breathing each other in, both content with staying still in the middle of the soft contact, a kiss like no other. But then he inclines his head an inch and his tongue shyly brushes her half open lips. Rey can’t stay still after that, she slants her mouth firmly against Ben’s, her tongue fighting for dominance with his, moaning when manages to suck on it. 

They made out for what feels like hours before her hands remove his jacket and start raising his black shirt.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

It’s been almost a century since colors disappeared from human sight, nobody knows why.

Religious people yell on the streets about punishment after the war that destroyed most of the earth. Scientists think it’s probably a result from the exposure to radiation that the survivors experienced constantly. All everyone seems to agree on is that it is ridiculous to think another person is the key for your anatomy to change that severely in a second. 

But they are real. Leia Organa knows it because she saw the world in color the moment Han Solo crossed her path. 

The first years Leia spent with Han were a constant red--the man even walked in an infuriating way. It wasn’t until later that she understood that red was also a color of passion and lust. Fear was purple, and appeared when he was captured and she found him in a cell, beaten up. The full spectrum had only manifested when they admitted they cared about each other. With the years, she understood that the colors only were in balance when she and Han were too.

She had no idea what was the reason behind this soulmates connection, didn’t get the science behind it and it was easy to see why people who had never experienced the phenomenon didn’t believe in it. It was also irrelevant. The colors were nice, but useless when different factions were still fighting for control of a barely recovered earth.

The war she was leading had cost her the lives of many friends, the constant company of her husband and her only son, but looking down at the young people training, talking and smiling in the compound, she knew she still had more to lose if the First Order or Crimson Dawn were the winners.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

There’s desperation in her movements, her hand are firmly planted on his chest, keeping him down while she rises and sinks on his cock again and again, chasing her release. She looks so lovely in red that it’s become his favorite color, even if today flashes purple a few times. _What is she worried about?_ It’s only when a grunt and a tint of maroon—frustration—appears that he moves one of the hands that were resting behind his head to pinch her dark nipples. 

Her eyes close and she moves her head back, arching her long neck and moaning. What a sight she is. He can feel her tights trembling, having trouble to keep up her rhythm, so he disobeys her initial command in a fast move and flips her around.

“Oi! This is my turn!”

He hooks her knees on his elbows, opening her more and angling her hips better before sinking deep in her.

Her neck arches again and he uses that movement to plant kisses in it.

“Just enjoy your reward, sweetheart.”

She mumbles, but doesn’t recriminates him the use of the endearment. All his focus returns to her. She’s not going to leave him without coming on his cock at least twice, and full of his cum. Her team is close and he doesn’t care. The red returns with the violence of the movement of his hips, Rey giving him a little moan every time he stops to circle his hips and rub his pelvis against her clit while she’s full of him.

“Ben, Ben, Ben,” he knows she’s close because she’s calling him.

“Look at how lovely you look so full of me, sweetheart. You may hate me but your pussy is struggling to keep me inside and it feels so good. Wouldn’t you feel like a good girl dripping with me while surrounded by those idiots? What would they say if they could see you right now?”

He doesn’t know which part of what he told her does it but he can feel her coming –yellow?—her hands clutching his head and dragging him forcefully to her mouth. Probably to shut him up. He doesn’t care. Not when she’s taking her air from him, not when she bites him with violence.

“You keep taking,” she tells him eventually. “But I’m still empty.”

That’s all he needs to move again.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Don’t lose your focus, Dameron!” yells Rey, a lot more involved on this fight than her opponent.

“Ouch,” is all he says when Rey plants a kick in his solar plexus, robbing him of air.

“My point!”

“You don’t need to almost kill me to get your point, a small punch counts too,” grumbles Poe.

“Maybe you could have moved and avoid the full kick if you hadn’t been looking at Jess’ ass.”

“Not my fault the new suits are so distracting.”

“You find everything in Jess distracting.” Rey rolls her eyes at him.

“Yeah,” he tries to surprise her with a low kick, but Rey is always paying attention and flips back to land on a crouch a few feet away. “Damn it!”

“I think that’s enough humiliation for today. Leia just left the platform,” mocks Rey.

Poe shakes his head, “Leia was there? And you kicked me? You are just mean Niima.”

“I know she enjoys watching your peculiar fight style,” she laughs.

“You are not as funny as Finn and Rose have made you believe.” He shakes his head at her. “Are we done then?”

“Yes, I have a Cycle 216 software to try and a meeting in the Nest later.” They deactivate the electric force field that was keeping them in a personal bubble.

“The Nest? So Leia is finally promoting you to the big leagues! Good luck with that, if you need a team you know I’m always available,” he winks and starts walking away.

“Thanks, Poe,” she says, but he’s already in a semi run to reach Jess and hug her from behind. Rey smiles when she sees that.

She has been part of Resistance for three years, was recruited by Poe actually, mostly on the promise of free food and a save shelter. 

The world Rey was born is not a nice place. The planet itself hasn’t recovered and the air alone could kill someone who’s not using the correct protection: half face masks with filters for dangerous particles you can only remove inside a place with a protective force field dome, an expensive and vulnerable thing. And that’s before you get to the constant fights between political factions.

She assumes her parents are dead. They left her in a public shelter one day and never returned for her. The shelter was a hard place, where they always were forced to fight with others for the small quantity of food and clothes they received. She’d escaped with Finn a few years later, when they were fourteen, thinking that life would be equally hard outside but at least they wouldn’t have to fear others stealing their meager belongings. 

Five years on their own had given them good reflexes, light feet, unique survival instinct and in Rey’ case an affinity to repair any type of tech or drive any vehicle. That’s when—at nineteen— they were accidentally discovered by the Resistance.

She’d kicked Poe’s ass the first time, too, when a team lead by him had taken cover on their home thinking it was abandoned. Dameron had recruited them that same day and the rest, as they say, was history.

Three years after her introduction to Leia Organa, she was finally going to be given a mission of her own by the council on the Nest, the office where everything was planned. She cannot wait. Rey knows she’s ready for anything. Maybe even facing the legendary Kylo Ren.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Is it done?” Kylo asks his second in command. He’s happy that for once he wasn’t interrupted while he was with Rey. He likes her alias—Kira—has heard her team call her that on the field, but for him she’ll always be Rey. 

“Yes, sir. Phasma distracted the Resistance agents with a small transaction while Vicrul eliminated the target. No complications.”

“Good.”

“And where were you exactly?” asks Cardo.

“I was _deep_ in a bit of trouble, but that’s done too.” If Cardo finds his smile weird he doesn’t say anything to Kylo.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

She feels so lonely sometimes. 

Incomplete, a person with an empty hole in her very center. _Is it her family that’s missing?_ Sometimes, just before sleeps claims her, she remembers an old story about an angry God who took a single soul and divided it in two to place the pieces in two bodies, forcing them to roam the earth submerged in grey until they find each other and become one again, bringing new life to everything. Maybe that’s what is missing. It would be nice to have someone who is her perfect other half, even if it’s nothing more than a myth.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“You fucking asshole!” She shoves him inside the small room so her team can continue the mission.

“Me? I’m just doing my job, sweetheart.”

The red in Rey’s eyes gets more intense with the mock term of endearment. 

“I am not your sweetheart, _Kylo Ren_ ,” she spits. “You didn’t have to destroy my Cycle and you know it.”

“I’ll remember that the next time you are choking on my cock, then. And you seem to confuse me with your Resistance friends. I did have to destroy it.” 

“I’ll fucking kill you,” she’s reaching back with her hand to the weapon strapped to her back when the lights go out, leaving everything in black.

“Maybe some other day, _sweetheart_ ,” he whispers in her ear before disappearing. When Rey gets the lights back on everything is back to grey.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“There’s an important person that we’ve been trying to locate for over a year that’ll be in a High district neutral restaurant a week from now. We need to make contact with them and hopefully bring them here. You’ll be in charge of coordinating the operation in full. Team, strategy, resources, contingency, escape plan… everything. The most important thing is to get them and if it’s impossible protect them so they aren’t attacked by others,” explains Leia.

“Do you accept the mission, Miss Niima?” asks Commander Satura.

“Yes sir, ma’am.”

“Good. You’ll get more data on your pad when you leave the Nest. Everything is confidential, so pick your team carefully and delete everything within 24 hours. We know you’ll do well.” Satura’s voice is full of confidence.

“If you have no other doubts you can go, Rey,” says Leia.

“Thank you, I’ll start preparations right now.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

He punches Mitaka when he realizes that Resistance managed to steal the tech before they got to it. He knows it was Rey’s –Kira—doing. The tint of purple when the door exploded told him so.

She’s infuriating, an immature little thing that doesn’t even know what giving the power to the people would do to a planet that is barely recovering. Snoke knows that in this moment humanity needs a firm guiding hand that isn’t made useless by bureaucracy. History shows the UN was worthless when the bombs came. A single seat of power with undisputable control is the only way for Earth to really recover, the First Order knows that.

But his mother—with her obsolete concepts of democracy and a government for all—could sell music to a deft person, not caring about the cost of her idealism.

_She didn’t even knew what the color meant that first time._

The only reason he believes in soulmates is his parents. When he was a child, curious and hungry for a little attention he’d point to everything he could see so they named the color it was. They’d get bored eventually but Ben remembered everything. The plant was green, a color related to jealousy and envy. The sun was yellow and also was happiness or excitement. His favorite blanket was red, as was blood, anger and passion. Leia’s beloved flowers –a luxury on this new earth—were purple like the fear of a big dog barking at him.

He was becoming particularly fond of red, and addicted to the anger Rey was always capable of generating on him. 

She was so naïve. And had a killer left hook. But more important than anything else is the fact that she’s his enemy and the battlefield is the only place they’ll ever meet. If his chest gets a little tight with that he just ignores it.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

He feels so lonely sometimes. 

He sees the way Leia and Han act around each other—when thanks to a miracle they manage to get together—and knows they are in their own world, a place he orbits but doesn’t really belong. Ben waits for the day he’ll find his soulmate and can teach them all the colors he has been learning. He knows whoever they are at least they’ll always chose him first. He’s ten already and it would be nice to have someone to play with when his parents are yelling.

Two years later when his mother sends him away with Uncle Luke to move to the Compound his world feels more lonesome and grey than ever. 

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

She's nervous. Yes, Rey’s been preparing for this for years—sometimes she thinks she’s been ready to fight her whole life—but that doesn’t mean she’s not afraid for the friends she could lose if things went wrong. 

The plan and contingency measures are solid, she trusts everyone on the team—Finn, Poe, Callie, Jess, Snap—and knows that going over everything for the hundred time will not help anyone, so she decides to get out to blow some steam. The mission is happening in seventy-two hours and it’s been a while since she’s had a drink. Or a good bar fight. Or good sex. So she puts on the outside suit—technology was fast in creating intelligent fibers that adapt to one body instead of having to pick a size. It’s like a second skin and you don’t even feel it—and a black dress over it.

Callie catches sight of her when she’s leaving, but she just moves faster to reach the vehicles. She needs to be alone right now, if there’s anyone in the group with her she’ll just start talking about the plan again.

Her Cycle is ready for her. Mask on and activated, she accelerates outside the compound, feeling the slight shiver of getting out of the electric force field. 

When she arrives at the Underground Palace, the place is already crowded, but she walks straight to the bar, sits on a hovering stool—to avoid the contamination of the floor—and removes her mask. On her right there’s a woman. Pretty, but she needs something different tonight. On her left there’s a blond man with a few days stubble on his chin, not exactly her type but it’ll do. She’s turning around to introduce herself when she hears the unmistakable sound of and old motorcycle. She’s curious about it—no many of those are still functional these days—but her body needs take precedence for once.

“Hi—” 

_Color._ Everything is… alive? Is it right to feel like it was dead before? How can a single thing—she doesn’t even know what to name it—change everything so quickly? Rey doesn’t know what’s happening. She looks at her hands and for the first time they are not grey but something that she thinks is warm. It takes her a minute to realize the color is changing to something different, similar but more bright… happy? Only then she raises her head and turns her neck to look around with widely open eyes. She needs to find this person, they cannot go away, not now, not after they’ve found each other. 

She stands, ignoring the way the guy next to her is looking at her after saying hello and then ignoring him, but she doesn’t care. She’s halfway through the room when he appears on the entry, looking everywhere too, trying to find her.

 _It’s you_ , she thinks when their eyes meet. And wonders why he looks so familiar. Then she smiles, and starts walking in his direction.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Who the hell does this bitch think she is?” Rey mumbles forgetting her comm is open. Red is all she sees.

“Kira, everything okay?” asks Rose, a new member of the compound and genius with tech. 

“Nothing, sorry,” she calls back.

“There’s no movement from First Order or Crimson Dawn on the north side.”

“Everything’s clear here too.”

She’s lying. She can see Kylo Ren, all in black, mask activated, with his back against the building and unable to move because Zorii Bliss has an energy blade against his throat. Red red red. 

“If anyone is going to kill that asshole is going to be me.” She pulls out her gun. Not the plasma one that Resistance gave her and register every shot, the one she found years ago, with real bullets. A relic. It’s only for emergencies because finding projectiles is not easy these days, but taking out Zorii Bliss is worth it.

 _You are actually saving Kylo Ren, a known enemy from the Resistance_ , says a loud voice inside her head, but she’s learned to keep that voice quiet. 

Breathe in. Breathe out. Pull the trigger. 

“Fuck!” she hears Zorii say when the bullet hits her right leg. The seconds of distraction is all Kylo needs to drop to his knees and pull his own energy blade to try and slice her stomach, but Zorii is a fighter and takes a back jump before the blade touches her.

Rey lines her gun again, she has clear shots that could take any of them, but suddenly Zorii looks back to someone else and runs away.

Kylo gets on his feet and yells at her, “Thank you sweetheart!” Just before a Cycle appears on the scene and he climbs on the back of it and drives away.

“Son of a bitch!” exclaims Rose on her comm.

“What?”

“It was false information. The First Order attacked the Beta sector five minutes ago. They are gone already.”

“Fucking bastard.” Rey wishes she could see red right now. “I should have shot him when I had the chance.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

The parking on the Underground Palace is almost full when he arrives. There’s a mission in a couple days that involves someone he knows, and even when they’ve stayed neutral so far they are probably more inclined to Organa’s side than his. And he knows what that means.

So he’s here tonight to blow some steam. He’ll find someone to spend the night with and return to training first time tomorrow. He’s parking his motorcycle—one of a kind, a gift from his dad, actually—when the world changes from grey to orange. The color of the fruit with the same name, of surprise and shock. His soulmate is close. _Finally_. 

There’s no one outside so he goes in immediately, looking in every corner he passes. Ben Solo has a soulmate, someone who will always be by his side. _He’ll let nothing touch them_. He’s happy and he knows it because the color changes to yellow. Only when he reaches the main room does he sees her.

She’s bright. A ray of sun, all yellow and looking around with desperation until her eyes hit his. Her dress is a darker shade of the color, probably black, and really short. He hasn’t even known her for a second and already wants her. He’s rooted to his spot so it is she who approaches.

“Is it you?” she ask, eyes moving from one spot of his face to another without pause, almost as if she were mapping him.

“Yes.” There’s no other possible answer. Not when she made everything change just by being close. Not with the response of his body, that has his suit quickly adapting to his growing desire.

“It changed again, the color,” she declares, but he can read in her eyes that it is a question.

“It does according to our feelings. First was orange: surprise, then yellow: excitement and happiness. Now it is red.”

She frowns. “Isn’t that anger?”

_Oh, so she knows some things._

“Mmm, it’s also attraction, passion and desire.”

“Oh.” The red of her face deepens a little. 

Slowly, he raises a hand to touch her lower lip with a gloved hand,

“What’s your name?” It’s a simple question, but it takes her a few seconds to answer, as if she was pondering something before telling him.

“Rey,” she says eventually.

“Rey,” he remembers how he believed her a ray of sunshine just a few moments ago. “I’m Ben.” It doesn’t even cross his mind that giving his real name can be dangerous, not when she’s his soulmate. He sees her mouthing his name. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

“Maybe upstairs?” That’s where the private rooms are. He would rather have her on his home but this will have to do for now.

“Lead the way.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Thing are getting more dangerous Leia.” She knows he’s really worried because right now everything is purple. They haven’t been in balance since she sent Ben away almost eighteen years ago despite his opposition. She still regrets that, she’ll always do. 

“We know. Despite our efforts, more people are agreeing with their ideals every day. And we’ve suffered some heavy losses recently because of bad intel. But we can’t surrender, Han. Not after everything.”

He drops tiredly on the couch. “Maybe it’s time for us to step away and let the new kids decide what to do.”

“Or…”

“Or?” An eyebrow rises.

“Or maybe it’s time for as to attack the problem from the root.”

“You know I won’t support that. Not when he’s there. Never, Leia.” Everything gets red. She knows it’s not lust, he’s angry with her.

“It can be planned so that he’s away. I’m not saying we’ll do it, just that it’s an option.”

“Not for me,” Han Solo says, standing up abruptly and leaving her office.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Are Resistance members a bunch of amateurs, _Kira_?!” he yells at her.

There’s probably a broken rib digging inside her lung because right now it is really hard to breathe. It could also be the way he clutched and dragged her away from the explosion.

They hadn’t known the containers were still full of combustibles. It was supposed to be an easy hit against the First Order. The commander officer today was new but experienced, the team a mix of new recruits and veterans. A short mission to give them the welcome. But their intel had been wrong. Again. And now she didn’t know what had happened to the others.

“The others—”

“I don’t give a shit about the others. Fucking children playing with fire.” She had known things weren’t right when everything went red, if the place was empty there was no reason for Kylo Ren to be there. But it was already too late, the charges were set to explode too quickly, not enough time for her to give a warning and then she’d been hit by the energy and heat of the fire.

“Please. Please… just Trooper _—_ Finn. Please, I will not beg you for me but please. He was next to me. I can’t move, please Ben.” She’s crying and everything’s tinted purple with her fear and desperation.

He doesn’t react, his eyes—the only part visible with the mask—hard on hers, before standing up and walking away. _He’s going to leave me alone_ _now_ , because why would he help her when she had been happy to destroy something of his organization. Her right leg hurts and she can’t move and Finn is somewhere here. She is going to lose her family again. 

“Please,” she begs again, to nothing. The sadness crushes her. But then she sees him, all blue tints now, dragging her friend closer to her. 

“He’s alive.” That’s all he says before pressing a key on his wrist pad to release a location pulse – _Resistance coded—_ and starts walking away. 

Poe and his team find them twenty minutes later. She keeps seeing purple until they drive away. He’d been watching over her still. 

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

She knew Ben for two hundred and forty three days. He’s been gone for three. She remembers when she thought things were alive the first time she saw in orange. Now everything that surrounds her is dead again and it will stay like that forever. She wonders if in two hundred and forty days more the pain will be less. If she will be able to go to the Palace and not see him in every corner. If she’ll stop wanting to punch everyone who talks shit about him. It doesn’t seem likely. She will just go through life incomplete once again.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Another,” she demands.

She’s lying on top of a dusty desk, completely naked because the fucking suits are not build thinking of two enemies having a rushed tryst in the middle of a mission.

He’s on his knees, fully clothes, circling her clit with his tongue while pumping two fingers inside. But that’s not enough. Not when he’s been inside her before, not when she can remember the delicious stretch of his cock.

He stops a second to tease her. “We are greedy today, uh? Didn’t the other child gave you what you needed?”

“Shut the fuck up,” she tells him, dragging his head back to her pussy. “Another.”

“Maybe if you ask nicely I’ll consider.”

“If there’s not another finger inside me in five seconds I’ll get dress and go look for someone else to—”

He hums directly on her clit and she clutches his head between her thighs while arching her back.

“Please Ben, I need it.”

Almost immediately there’s a third finger inside her, finally giving her that sensation of being full that she loves.

His head moves to the side to lick at her tight before giving her small bites in the fleshy inside part that she knows will be full of bruises tomorrow. All his attention is on her and it makes her feel cherished as long as she forgets the reason they are in the same place right now. 

His comm chirps but he ignores it to repeat his attentions on the other tight.

“Need your tongue back where it was.”

“Just a minute. I need others to know I’ve been here.”

What others? There hasn’t been another since their first night _—_ that of multicolor hope _—_ five months ago at the Palace. “I have no idea what others are you talking about.”

“The guy from the explosion? Or the one who carried you on his arms? The one that touched your ass?”

“You are being stupid and ridiculous. God, your mouth really is useful for just one thing.”

“But you love that one thing, sweetheart,” he growls.

“I told you I’m not your sweet—”

But his tongue is in her clit again, three fingers moving inside her and just when she feels his thumb rimming her ass he sucks just in the right place and she comes in a million of sensations bathed in red. 

She’s still coming down from the high when she hears him say, “I’ll be right there.” His right hand cups the back of her head and lift her to a sitting position to kiss her deep and wet. Then he takes a step away, turns and without looking back abandons the room, leaving her to recover and put her clothes back on.

“Kira. The guys who were here are leaving. Do we follow?” asks Finn on her comm.

“No,” she says. “That’s too risky. Did Pava got the plans?” 

“Affirmative. No sight of Kylo Ren to interrupt the trade.”

A satisfied smile appears on her face. “Good.” 

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Sentimentality is worthless!” yells Snoke in his face. The only reason he doesn’t flinch is the years of practice.

Snoke… is not a good person. Ben knows that. But he also knows that he’s the lesser evil right now. He’s weak, his power only existent because he and his enforcers allow it, but the minute they have won this war… he won’t have to take the abuse anymore.

All he needs is the power to finally get stability on the planet. To make sure that strength doesn’t waiver when hard choices are needed. Leia’s always been an idealist who likes to believe in people, but it was that same people messing shit up that got her constantly away, more worried about strangers than of her own blood.

“If you had destroyed that place we would be in charge already! But you are just a bunch of children playing war. Pathetic.”

Ben knows if Rey were here he’d be seeing all red.

“Any attack must be flawless, sir. We need some of the things Resistance and Crimson Dawn have been collecting: weapons, tech, intel. Destroying those things would be a waste for humanity and that’s not our mission,” answers Cardo, one of his men. They know Snoke doesn’t give a shit about humanity, but it’s a subtle way to remind him that he needs to pretend at least.

“Yes, yes.” He concedes. “But you'll need to give at least a big win so we don’t start looking weak.”

“It will be done, sir,” ends Kylo, hiding his disgust and abandoning the room followed by his knights.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“The target we need to contact will be visiting the Cantina, a neutral restaurant in the High district,” Rey is in front of a holo projector that shows a map of the zone. “This means that no violent attack should happen inside the place, but verbal encounters or other techs maneuvers are allowed. We can take no risks. Jess and Snap, you’ll be in different spots out the perimeter controlling every electric signal. At the first suspicious thing, no matter how small, you let us know so we can start the evacuation.”

“And who is that target?”

“That’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know.”

“Ouch, boss,” says Snap.

“Callie and Poe, I need you to study the place and memorize every possible escape point. Both will be driving unmarked transports that have to be there the previous day as to not be suspicious.“ 

“Noted.”

“Finn, you’ll be with me inside with the target. We’ll approach as soon as we can. The less time inside the better because there’s 90% chance both First Order and Crimson Dawn are there too.”

“Do we talk with them there?” asks Finn.

“I was thinking about it. The order of high command is to try to convince them to side with Leia, but If they decline we have to make sure they get out of there alive.”

“So, we get them out and try to convince them on the way out?” resumes Poe.

“That’s what I was thinking. It’s shorter and less risky for all of us. Specific details will be send to your pads. Remember to delete them later. If you have any doubt or idea for the mission don’t doubt in telling me.”

Everyone is looking at her with trust, she’s not going to fail them.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Luke? What are you doing here?” asks a surprised Han when he enters the Nest.

“I was called back for the voting today,” answers Luke, happy to see his old friend. They really are looking old these days.

“Voting?” only now Han realizes there’s a lot of people here today—all of command actually. Purple tints everything when Leia enters, but she only gives him a look before standing on the center of the room.

“You were all called here today because we need to make a choice. Almost eight months ago, in a successful mission leaded by Kira, Amilyn Holdo joined our ranks. Her integration gave us a new edge, but also brought a radicalization of the fight. We have lost many brave members of the Resistance since that day and we are not in condition of losing more,” she doesn’t look at Han before continuing, “It’s time for us to attack the heart of the First Order. They are a centralized power, if we cut the head the body dies.”

Nobody says anything, so it’s Han who asks, “Is this a vote thing? Because it seems to me you already decided, General. And how are you proposing to do this?” Red bathes everything.

“Luke has the detailed blueprints of Starkiller. That’s what he was looking for this past year. We are in possession of the precise places we need to hit to cause minimum damage on the surrounding property. Bombs in an aerial attack would be the best way.”

“Just like that,” he murmurs. _The twins once again decide what’s best_. He can feel Luke’s shame at his side.

For the first time in more than eighteen years a deep indigo falls over everything. Leia inhales violently when she gets hit with it.

“We have to vote on it, as always.”

One by one people agree. Only Amilyn, D’Arcy and himself end up voting no.

“So that’s decided then,” resumes Luke.

“I’ll lead the mission,” affirms Han.

“Han you can't—”

“I am the best pilot, you’ll need precision, so I’ll lead. Everybody agrees?” before people can answer he adds, “good.”

Leia opts for ending the meeting. When it's just the two of them again she tries to explain herself but he cuts her before she can begin. 

“Our son. The boy who cried when I had to leave to some mission—”

“The one who has killed—”

“Who would ask me about colors. My boy,” he whispers, heartbroken, before looking straight at her. The disappointment starts to drain slowly until everything—for the first time in more than thirty years—goes to grey while they are together. Leia drops in a chair with her mouth open in horror. “I’ll fly that mission and then I'm out,” he says before turning around to leave the room.

“Han—”

Han Solo hears her but doesn’t return. It’s not an option for him.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Fuck!” he yells, a line of blood appears on his arm when her energy blade makes contact. 

“Does that hurt? Don’t you think Temus was in pain while you bastards tortured him? An for what, for that sociopath you call your boss?!”

“Are you blaming me because Resistance members are useless? This is a war, and you precious Temus decided it was a good idea to try and blow our transport. Were you expecting we’d send him back with a kiss? Be thankful he arrived in one piece.” He stops her next blow and punches her shoulder hard, sending her a few steps back.

“You are nothing more than a group of sadists and murderers. You disgust me, Kylo Ren!”

His eyes grow cold even with the red tint that covers everything and he lifts between them a recently activated long blade. 

“You can tell yourself your group is better, Kira, but at the end of the day the body count between us is not that different.”

“We are not the same.”

“Yes. We. Are. But I don’t lie to myself just to feel morally superior.” 

“Kira!” Finn yells from the cycle. She cannot let her friend hear this discussion. Nobody can know. With the touch of a button she releases a light pulse that blinds Kylo and allows her to run. She has never wanted the return of grey so much as in that moment. 

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

One minute they are on the couch, with her straddling him, drinking from each other mouths and the next she’s standing up, moving away from him. His brain has liquified by now, and it takes him a few seconds to realize she’s not leaving but removing her clothes.

The shiny leather boots are quickly followed by the little black dress. She’s breathing hard, but that’s nothing compared to him. 

She’s like a fantasy creature of and old story come to life. The suit that adapts to every inch makes her skin glow in an almost glittery way, _like a mermaid_ , he thinks, eyes full of the same wonder his child-self felt with the fairytales.

She stands proud in front of him, aware of her beauty, and thanks to the clear bulge in his crotch, of the effect it’s having on him.

With a single touch on the back of her neck the suit starts folding and leaving her skin exposed. It seems to him like something even more magical.

“You—” he drops to his knees in front of her, “are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Am not,” she exhales. Her skin explodes with goosebumps when he starts tracing soft patterns from her toes to the tickling place behind her knees to her inner thighs, until he parts her legs.

“Yes. You. Are,” he punctuates every word with a kiss, but she stops him when he tries to rise her left leg to put it over his shoulder. “Let me—”

“Later, Ben,” she cards her fingers through his hair, a little wilder after their make out session, “I want to see you now.”

He takes a deep breath and stands, just a foot away from her, before dropping his hands to his waist, clinging the end of his shirt and removing it in a single move.

“Oh,” whispers Rey. He can see her fingers open and close, as if she were stopping herself from reaching out.

His boots are easy to remove, no laces to undo. And then come his pants. A button, a zipper carefully managed, and he’s pushing them down and stepping out of them.

She gravitates towards him, laying her hands carefully on his shoulders.

“You are beautiful, too,” her tongue peaks out of her mouth to wet her lips. “So solid. Powerful,” she looks at him while her hands move to the back of his neck to deactivate his suit. “I can’t wait to have you.”

The second his skin’s exposed he hugs her close and sinks his head on the curve of her neck, breathing mouthfuls of her. Letting her essence and the red cloud his senses and judgement.

His girl is bold, and uses her hand to better position his dick so it's trapped against her belly and she can rub against it. She’s content with that for a few minutes, but eventually she starts pushing him towards the bed. 

It’s not soft as he would like—only the best will be good enough for her skin—but with the life he leads Ben has learned to take what he can. There’s a thousand things he wants to do her. A million he wants to say. But there will be time for that later.

Pushed by her he lays on the middle of the bed and she decides to lay at his side, head supported on one of her hands while her free one tours every plane of his chest and stomach. He may not be a fan of his face, but has never been more proud of his body than now, when Rey seems hypnotized by every muscle and imperfection.

Right now he’s afraid of talking and breaking the magic of this moment, so he just moves slowly to his side, until he can slide her leg over his hip, still leaving some space between them.

Rey’s hand rises to follow the lines of his face. Her inquisitive fingers touch every mole, his eyebrows, his lids, his nose, before moving to his ears.

Meanwhile, he has managed to bring a hand between her tights. There’s a small patch of hair protecting her most tender area, where she’s hot and wet and sweet. His thumb—so much bigger than hers—manages to trace in between her lower lips until he reaches her clit, where he anchors himself as soon as her breath hitches.

Immediately one of her hands moves down, to surround his dick—she can’t—and starts sliding up and down his length, stopping to run her thumb down the middle of the head every few passes.

Their eyes never move away from the other, barely blinking, both drunk of the expression of their partner. Following every cue to bring pleasure to the other. Sex, intimacy, has never been like this, not for Ben—and not just for the color novelty. It’s Rey, just Rey.

He’s two fingers deep inside her when she moves, letting go of him to push him on his back again, this time climbing on top of his body. 

Ben doesn’t need worded instructions to line himself with her entry. Rey doesn’t need for him to tell her he’s ready to begin sinking on him. And when she’s fully seated on his hips bones—full of him, encapsulating him perfectly—they stay still just to enjoy the feeling of completion.

Then she’s leaning down and he’s raising a bit on his elbows and they are kissing, again and again. She stays on top the whole time, his mermaid bathed in red, circling hips and clutching inner muscles to make him see stars. 

He can feel himself getting close when his fingers make his way back to her clit, knowing she needs the external stimulation to follow him into release. It’s only when he feels her trembling that he allows himself to follow and the most wonderful thing happens. Everything gets technicolor.

“Oh,” she says, with tears running down her face. He clutches her back to him, keeping hold on his own emotions and kissing her forehead.

For the first time they are seeing reality as it is.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Five days from today Amilyn Holdo will be on the Cantina. She’s the leader of an important cell of militia, so it’s possible that the Resistance tries to make contact with her,” Ben says to his knights.

“What about Crimson Dawn?” asks Vicrul.

“Also a probability. Things have been quiet lately, but Amilyn joining any other group could lead to an escalation of things.”

“So what are our orders, exactly?”

“We try to intervene on the Cantina. It’s a neutral place and I want it to stay like that so no killing inside. We get there when they are inside. If they get out, we chase them. Take them out.” He doesn’t need big explanations with this group, not when they’ve been together for years.

“Are you sure?” asks Kai. He knows Amilyn is important to him. More family than his own uncle.

He takes a deep breath. “We do what is needed,” is his only answer.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

She’s more than a bit drunk and there’s an alarm on the back of her head that keeps screaming her friends will worry about where she is and come looking for her, but nothing right now is as important as trying to swallow Kylo Ren’s dick whole.

He’s sitting on a toilet and she’s on her knees and damn it all to hell she knows she can reach lower if she really tries but she’s so angry with him.

This is all wrong. They were supposed to be reunited today. Ben and Rey.

But they are Ben and Rey and Kira and Kylo and she should have known nothing ever comes easy for her.

He should have been waiting for her but he was sitting with another woman—not relevant that she wasn’t alone either—and she had gone from blue to yellow to red so fast it was actually dizzying. Thinking about the woman makes her hollow her cheeks and suck hard. She will nothing to the blond.

“Fuck, Rey,” he says. And she keeps going. Rey is not going to let him forget her.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

That night, they make love again every time one of them wakes up, but eventually a deeper sleep claims them.

Ben wakes around six—like always—warm and content—that’s new. He can still see every color inside the room. Rey is curled around him, a funny bigger spoon that clings to him with arms and legs.

On the bedside table him comm lights up with an alert for his next meeting with Snoke. He never asked Rey about her alliances last night, but it’s probably she doesn’t have any. And he’s the primary enforcer for the First Order, which could put her in danger. He can’t allow that.

“What are you thinking about,” comes her sleepy voice.

“It’s almost six,” he takes one of her hands and kisses it, “and work looms on the horizon.”

She laughs at his dramatic expression. “Can’t believe work still exist after last night.”

She disentangles and sits, checking her own comm on the other side of the bed.

“Oh.”

“What is it?” he asks.

“Work is calling too,” she says, a bit more serious.

“I never asked what you do,” Ben comments.

“I… I work with tech, mostly. Repairing stuff, trying new softwares, stuff like that,” she shifts on the bed. “You?”

“I work for a private. Teach people how to fight, stuff like that,” he ends vaguely.

Last night intimacy has disappeared and they suddenly find themselves surrounded by orange again.

Both comms start to go off suddenly.

“Fuck, I really have to go,” he says, standing up to dress up.

“I want to see you again,” Rey says, a bit desperation entering her voice.

He walks to her a cups her head between his hands. “Of course, sweetheart,” he kisses her softly, “I have some importants thing to do soon, but I can meet you a week from now? Right here on the Palace?”

“Yes! Okay,” she kisses him with some more heat, “a week from now. You promise?”

“I promise.”

When they say goodbye a few minutes later they are bathed in yellow.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Everyone is in their position. Every comm is open. Transport has been in the neutral zone for more than twenty-four hours. She’s wearing new flexible armour—it looks just like regular clothes—that she checked carefully before putting on. There can be no mistakes tonight. The target’s life depends on it.

 _Her date with Ben depends on it_. She will not leave someone waiting for her.

Finn—Trooper, she reminds herself—is at her side when they enter the building.

The owner is close to the door and tells them, “No troubles inside,” as soon as she see them.

Rey exhales with relief when she realizes Amilyn Holdo is already there, sitting next to a girl with a funny haircut framing her face—Rey knows the three buns she wears on the field are funny too. 

She nods to Trooper, who goes to stand next to a window and approaches their table.

“Hello, don’t you think the weather’s been really nice on Hays recently?” she says, the phrase Leia wrote on the mission info.

Amilyn looks at her, “I knew I would be approached after deciding to come to this place but I was expecting it to be at least after the food. How’s Leia?”

“You should come ask her yourself,” says Rey. She needs this to be fast.

Amylin raises an eyebrow. “She forgets I’m not one of her recruits. I told you she would do this, Rose.”

“You did,” says the girl next to her.

“Rey, there’s movement on the periphery,” says Poe on the comm, “three Cycles going your direction.”

“Look, I know you wanted to eat, but this is important. If you don’t want to hear the General you don’t have to, but I need you to leave with me right now.”

“What’s happening?” asks Rose, noting the nonsense tone on Rey’s voice.

“The First Order is coming.”

“This is neutral space, dear,” says Amilyn.

“They’ll not care much about it if they follow you off the limits.”

Trooper approaches, “Kira, we need to start moving.”

“Amilyn, you said you’d listen to me about this. As your security chief, I think we need to leave, even if its not with them.”

She looks at the three young faces surrounding her, “Okay,” she agrees.

They are leaving the building when the purple appears and Rey’s mind goes full on panic, spiraling with thoughts of _what is he doing here, what if he’s attacked, this is dangerous, I can’t leave him what if he dies, oh he can’t die_. 

Her years of training mean she’s still walking, pushing Amilyn and Rose into an inconspicuous vehicle when she hears the distinctive noise of his motorcycle. She needs to surround the car and go, but she can’t move.

No when she can recognise him with the jacket and the mask on. Flanked by two First Order enforcers in Cycles.

 _No no no no no no_ . _I teach people how to fight_ he’d said. _He had some things to do_ . He had _promised_. The blue was not helping with her hyperventilation. Neither was the way he was looking everywhere with desperation, looking for her.

“Kira, we need to move!” that’s Finn yelling at her to break her from the stupor.

He hears, of course he does. And he _sees_ her. Ben freezes but she keeps moving until she opens the passenger door. Just before getting in, one the companions returns and says, “Kylo, she’s not inside.”

And then she’s sitting and they are accelerating away from the place to reach Poe or Callie and change transports before heading for the Resistance.

When they arrive everyone congratulates her for a successful mission, but all she can hear inside her head is that man calling Ben _Kylo_.

It’s just her luck that the man she thought was made just for her is actually Kylo Ren, her worst enemy.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

How is it possible to be this addicted to someone? How can she keep lying to herself saying this is the last time when they both know they'll find themselves naked and fucking even in the most dangerous and ridiculous situations. He has probably hurt his knees more in this seven months—from eating her out—than in all his years on the battlefield. He doesn’t regret it either, but sometimes is hard to remember they have to hate each other, when he would kill his knights in a second just to make her come one more time. Eventually there’s always something that reminds them they are in opposite sides, but when they forget… well, the colors speak for themselves.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

She’s going to be sick. She’s on a bomber plane that’s been helmed by Falcon—Han Solo, the best pilot in the Resistance—and she has to help him but she’s going to be sick or start screaming any minute now.

Rey only learned what was the mission after they took off: aerial attack on Starkiller, the First Order headquarters. Where Snoke was. Where the knight of Ren were.

 _Where Kylo Ren was_.

She was chosen for her good track record, but she wishes she could be anywhere else right now.

Han always seem fun, but today he’s serious. Leia was on the platform and he didn’t even looked at her before boarding. They are alone on the cabin, the rest of the tripulants are making sure the bombs are ready to deploy.

She doesn’t have a way to communicate with Ben, to warn him about what’s coming. _Maybe that’s better_ , she tries to comfort herself, _It’ll be faster, less painful_. 

She knows they are close because the sky stops being grey and changes constantly from purple to blue, as if it couldn’t decide how to stay.

“Prepare the´charges,” she hears herself say, as if from another reality. Han is pushing a weird sequence, but she can’t focus on that now, so close to impact.

“Now,” says the pilot, and Rey can feel the plane lose weight with every bomb dropping. She closes her eyes.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

She’s drowsy over his chest, fighting to keep her eyes open and enjoy this new way to see the world.

“What color is that?” she points to table on the corner.

“Yellow.” His right hand caress her back lazilly. 

“And the cups?” 

They have been enjoying this afterglow full of colors since almost an hour and she’s no new things left to inquire about. She’s a curious thing his soulmate.

“Mmm, pink? Maybe coral,” his eyes are becoming heavier every second.

She’s lucky this place is full of old furniture because in the outside world things are mostly grey nowadays. There’s no need to use tints if no one can appreciate it. 

“I like that one, its like your lips,” she curls closer to him and his arms close around her waist in response. “I wish it was always like this.” Her breathing gets more regular.

“So do I,” he whispers, before following her into sleep.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

She hates the grey with her whole heart. It’s been five days only and she knows she won’t be able to live like this. Her friends have tried talking to her but she can’t explain how her life changed eight months ago. What she is mourning. 

That belongs to Ben and her only. Even if Ben’s not here anymore.

The building collapsed completely, Holo News said, the authorities declared no survivors. Han Solo left the compound in the middle of the celebrations and never returned.

She’s on her way to the Nest to receive a new assignment when things go red and her heart jumps, just before hearing several explosions close to the storage units of the compound.

She runs the rest of the way to find a pale Leia surrounded by command, looking at Kylo Ren in a holo message:

“Five days ago Starkiller was attacked by the Resistance. Leader Snoke was killed in the attack, along with dozens of other good men and women working for the good of humanity. I received a warning seconds before the bombs hit their targets, which was enough for me and my men to abandon the place.”

Rey thinks of the weird sequence Han Solo used that day. How he is not here now.

“If you think that was the end of the First Order you are gravely mistaken. We will rise stronger from the ashes, with our convictions firm. The bombing you are suffering right now is a warning of what’s to come now, under a new leadership. We also hope to remind you that this was your doing.” The holo ends on that note.

She knows he’s still close because the beautiful red hasn’t faded yet.

Her enemies are alive and pissed off. More battles—more victims—are sure to follow, as they demonstrated just now with the attack. Kira and Kylo Ren will face each other again.

Rey leaves the Nest before anyone can see her enormous smile. What she can’t hide is the yellow that covers anything for a couple minutes before returning to grey. 

She knows he saw. 

She’s sure they’ll see each other again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm never reading this thing again because it was a nightmare to format and also, so freaking long I should have probably divided it. 
> 
> I'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/mrealidadetinta) were I'm very random, rt fanart and never share my works :)


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